January 18, 2013

Things that will get me in trouble.

Filed under: bad,Boring Personal Stuff — Etakeh @ 11:22 am

I love fantasy.  I love to read it, watch it in movies, see the art that comes out of it.  It’s pretty neat stuff.

But it’s not real.  And it’s important to know that.

In Happy Fantasy Land, 84-year-old grandpa’s don’t die.  I’d love to live there!  Then my grandpa, who has less than 10% kidney function, fluid around his heart, low blood pressure, pre-diabetes, numb & swollen feet and knees that are constantly painful, wouldn’t have to die.  He’d get all better, and everyone would have a party and it’d be swell.

But in Real Life, the one we have to live it, it just isn’t going to happen.  You can say it all you want, but this  isn’t one of those “believe it and it’ll come true” type things.  He’s dying.  It’s not a fun truth, but at least I’ll be prepared when it happens.  It won’t be a shock, it won’t be surprising; in fact, because I can see the way things are, it very well may come as a blessing.  The man needs to rest.  To not be in pain.  To not sit there in his nearly useless body and think about all of the things he would be doing if he could, but can’t.  Can’t.

If this were an animal, we would have had him euthanized ages ago, because it would be kinder. But for some reason, when it’s a human, we have to make sure they lose all dignity first.  We have to make sure that their nearest and dearest suffer as much as possible, until they have such guilt over wanting it to be over that they can hardly function.

I just don’t get how, or why, people do this. Why do we want to make people live so long, when they are so obviously in pain and making everyone around them so miserable?  Isn’t there a point where we can say, “No More!” ?


December 13, 2012

Thinking about change.

Filed under: Boring Personal Stuff — Etakeh @ 3:40 pm


November 20, 2012

Sometimes, People can be Good.

Filed under: Boring Personal Stuff,Shiny Things — Etakeh @ 11:10 am

*As background for this story, realize that I work at a non-profit resale store.  We accept donations of clothing, item and money.  The clothing and items we resell or recycle, using the profits to do things like feeding the unfed, housing the homeless, helping people find employment and childcare, that kind of thing.  And no, it’s not Goodwill, so our CEO doesn’t drive a Jag and wear a Rolex.*

For every jackass, there’s .5 people who are pretty much ok.

Yesterday, the ratio reversed: there was one jackass, and 2 pretty cool people.

First, the Jackass.  There are times when a homeless person will come in and say, “It’s raining. All I have is these beat up tennies.  Can you help?” And even though our stores aren’t the place you go for direct help usually (we have a main office for that), our managers can say Hell yeah, and get them a pair of boots right off the rack.

Jackass decided that he needed new shoes. And apparently new underwear.  I’m extrapolating from the facts: I found an old pair of scrungy shoes tucked way under a clothing rack.  And in one of the shoes, his used underwear.

Did I mention that our company gives out vouchers by the dozens for people to get clothes and shoes?  And it’s not hard to get them?  yeah.  Awesome.

So anyway, I was a little disgruntled and disappointed with Human Beings  in general. But then came in Awesome Person #1.

Awesome Person #1 came up to the register with 3 umbrellas.  I made a joke about how she’d need all three to get to her car – the rain and wind was crazy.  She said, only one is for me.  I gave mine away to a homeless person today, and thought it was a good idea to have some spares.

Awesome.  She’s buying multiple umbrellas in order to give them away to umbrella-less (and roofless) persons.  Not spending a ton, just doing something really considerate and nice.

Awesome Person #2 came in a couple hours later.  She walked up with a $20 bill and said, “I’d like to donate this to the holiday food drive on behalf of my cat.  She doesn’t like people to go hungry.  She’s not going to share, mind you – she’s a cat, after all, not a saint – but she doesn’t want them hungry.”

So I thanked her profusely and pulled out the square of paper with the turkey printed on it, showing her that we put the name of the person who donated on it to put on the wall.  She has me write her cats name on there, then says, “I have two cats.” and pulls out another $20.  So on behalf of Cloe and Fluffy, she donated a total of $40.  The suggested donation for this food drive is $1.  Awesome.

Because of these two Awesome People, I’m feeling a little better about Human Beings today.  Of course, I’ll find out that they were actually space aliens disguised as elderly ladies, testing us to see if we are worthy of existence ..but  I’ll take it.  And maybe, because I have the cat lady two gold stars on each of her turkey pictures, they’ll let me live.

April 12, 2012

Protected: Irony is Not Lost

Filed under: bad,Boring Personal Stuff — Etakeh @ 11:36 pm

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April 5, 2012

Some Things

Filed under: bad,Boring Personal Stuff — Etakeh @ 1:51 pm

Excuse me while I go wash my hands again…

Sorry.  I realized today how things can sneak up on you, when you didn’t even realize that it was sneakable.   And it would keep sneaking up if I didn’t wash my hands.  Again.

It has to do with old memories, you know?  Things that were there this whole time, but it took something concrete to bring to the surface.

Today, it was Huberd’s Shoe Grease.  Somehow, I knew it was good stuff.  Couldn’t remember why or where I knew this from, but I decided that I needed to waterproof my boots with some Huberd’s.

The problem is, when I opened the container and saw the grease.  Dabbed some on the cloth.  Caught a whiff of it.  Had a horrible flashback.

See, my step-dad used Huberd’s.  It’s a great product – that’s why he used it.  To grease his work boots.  He used to pay a penny a boot for unlacing them when he came home.  The smell of dust and asphalt and Huberd’s is so clear in my mind now, when a few hours ago it was so sublimated that I didn’t even know how I knew about the shoe grease in the first place.

My first thought was to text my sister.  “Using Huberd shoe grease.  Trying not to get icked out.”

She replied, “Oh man, haven’t thought of that for years.  Weird gagging in my throat and instant nausea.”

So it’s not just me – I’m not crazy.  I feel sort of bad for bringing this up to my sister, who has enough stuff going on in her life, but who else can you talk to, if not the person who was there with you, sharing the experience?

I tried to mention it to my roommate.  I’ve known him for…6 years?   More, I think.  8, maybe.  In any case, we’ve been friends a long time.  And I said, I’m going to have to have my daughter finish waterproofing my boots.  The smell gave me horrible flashbacks.

He replied, “My knee sure got stiff at work today, but I still wish I could have worked a full shift.”

I guess there are some things that you just can’t talk to a guy-friend about, huh?

Like how strawberry jam and shoe grease can take you back to being an 8-year old being abused by your step-dad.  Or how you feel weird taking money from people, because that’s what he did to try to make us stay quiet about it.  Or a hundred other stupid little things.

But that’s what blogs are for, right?  To let us prattle on about our hidden rotten insides without having to actually see people looking away, desperately trying to think of a new topic.

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